The unexpected..

A breakup is like a broken mirror. It's better to leave it than hurt yourself trying to pick up the pieces...

We've all been there. We've all experienced a bad breakup- waking up everyday in hopes that it's just a dream. Only waking up everyday realizing it's the farthest thing from a dream. It's reality. It's real. You can't pretend it never happened. Because that's what makes it worse. You have to accept the worse before you can expect the better. That's simply how it works. This is where i'm at in my life right now.

I had recently just got out of a relationship. It didn't last long the second time around. Yes, second time around. As in, I have been in a relationship with this person before. He was my first boyfriend I've ever had in high school. We dated for almost a year. He was my first high school kiss and everything in between. It was great. However, things happened along the way and we split. It was seriously the worst pain I've ever been through as a freshman in high school. It took me years to get over him. Even when I was in other relationships, I'd think of him.

Everyone I talked to after our breakup told me that, "time heals everything." Literally everyone told me that, and I was actually getting kind of tired of those three words. I was getting tired of them because time wasn't doing anything for me. I thought to myself,

"time can't heal a broken heart." "time can't stop countless nights of crying myself to sleep."

"time can't heal me."

I was so frustrated that I wasn't getting better. I wasn't able to not think of him. I wasn't able to stop crying and what not. Until about almost a year after our breakup and something inside me changed. Time changed me. Time was actually able to heal me and my broken heart. With time, I was able to fall asleep without tears. It was the most amazing thing. I was so happy to not feel broken anymore. I told myself that I am never going to put myself in that sort of position again. Until about five years later...

June of this year, I was admitted into the ER due to hydration which caused my kidneys to fail. I ended up staying at the hospital for exactly a week. A week. 7 whole days in the hospital. 7 whole days without not seeing him. One day I posted on my snapchat that I was in the hospital, and my ex commented something along the lines of.

"Omg I work there, what room are you in?"

My heart dropped to my stomach and I didn't know how to feel. I mean like I knew he worked in hospitals and what not because he's studying to be a PA or NP (he doesn't know which one he wants to do yet). But it was crazy, like the craziest coincidence you can ever imagine. Not seeing or talking to him for 5 years and he ends up working at the same hospital I was admitted to... Man, I never expected that one. But, it obviously wasn't crazy enough to keep me from telling him where I was staying though. I'm not sure if that was a mistake or not, now that I think about it. I mean, i'm sure you can guess what happened in this case... seeing your ex everyday for a week straight. Not only that, but having your ex work at the same hospital and having him bring you everything and more that you need. Including staying with you until you were able to fall asleep because he knows about your fear of doctors, needles, etc. Furthermore, having to hold you down while the nurse can find a good vein to stick that terrifying needle in your arm. And then wheeling you down to the cafeteria to eat their delicious food.. (not). But trying to make it better by sharing ice cream with you. Last but not least, waiting for you with your mom while you go through so many medical procedures and being the first thing you see when you come out of those procedures.

Yup. You guessed correctly. We ended up dating again. I honestly didn't think this is where my life was going to take me. But, It did and I was happy about it. After I was released, we hung out a lot. Almost every day. He was so kind to me. Took the best care of me and made sure I had everything I needed. It was like opening up an old book and continuing an old chapter that you stopped working on. But, I guess that's not the best thing to do. Because, when we broke up the second time around, it hurt twice as bad. Him and I talked about our break up and we both said that it's hard because we have a lot of history. I mean, we really do, we've been through so much together- but i'm not going to get into that. Anyways, we were so weird around each other- in a good way, of course. We laughed about anything and everything, did charcoal face masks together, went on trips up north together, to mexico, etc. I loved it. I felt like I was dreaming.

I wish I was dreaming. I wish we didn't end up like this. More so, I wish we didn't start like this either. But, it did. He was just there, everyday. He gave me what I wanted and needed and it just happened. I'm not super mad that it happened but I think I moved to fast with it. Speaking of moving to fast, it also ended way to fast. So, here I sit now, writing this breakup blog about my ex. How is he you ask? He's fine. We don't really talk anymore- which is universal with breakups. We're still friends though, I don't think we can't ever not be friends. But I also don't think we can ever be more than friends.

So, if you're ever reading this (you know who you are),

Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there for me when I needed it the most and thank you for once more taking me in. Take care and good luck out there.

-Caitlin-